is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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