this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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