I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
