My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
