i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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