Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
