you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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