shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
