I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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