My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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