Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
