So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
