Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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