I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
