she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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