he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize