Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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