My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
