take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize