Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
