your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
