Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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