I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
