Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
