how can u be prego again
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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