I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
