I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
