Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pants are for mortals
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
