I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a search helicopter?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize