We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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