somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
