Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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