In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
