It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
