nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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