I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
