Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
