69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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