Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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