so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
