...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
