I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
