If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
