We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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