I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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