Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
