we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I could make wine with my vomit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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