I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
