I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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