I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
