Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
