I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
