The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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