Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
