Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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