it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
