she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
