i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize