Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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