I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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