shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
