She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
