Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
