i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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