Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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