What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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