in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
