I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
