you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
