everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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