see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
