Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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