Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
