im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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