I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
