you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
