Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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