Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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