its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
