Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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