I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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