Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
