I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
