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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
