I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize