I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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