My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
