fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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