Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
