Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
