I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
