It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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