Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize